Then:
I have rubik cube in my hands and with every turn my mind is analysing the consequences of today's date. Whatif I dont like her? There are some people in everyone's life, however good looking and good character they have we wish never to see them, our insights hate them. Whatif she turns out to be one of them? Ugly face or unstylish clothes are never a problem, I've seen lots of such faces convert into gorgeous one along with time and regretted a lot. Ugly shades in character and personality is a big problem, however one wants to change it I've seen very few people able to do so, but not 100% change.
With every turn of pieces of cube, questions are arising in my mind and with every side completed, I am getting my answers. If I don't like her and she doesn't like me its not a problem, won't see or call again. Chapter closed. But what if she likes me and I don't? What if she calls or want to see me again? I don't intend to hurt her feelings. And you can't help if anyone likes you or wants to be with you, do you? Maybe in that situation I should say her what I really think, maybe not. Maybe I shall drag down our relationship to friends category and close the matter. And let time heal it. I know, by experiences, time heals everything either its external or internal. Not so tough.
Next turn and it asks, whatif I like her? Should I say the same day or wait to see how she reacts being with me, ask for more dates and know what she really feels first. If she behaves like trying to avoid me then maybe I shall slowly back out and if I get a positive signal? Should I wait? I've seen in movies and series that if a boy propose on the first date, however beautifully he does, he looks pathetic. The girl's idea about the boy changes completely upside down with that little act of boy. Maybe I should wait. But what if she wants me to? I don't wanna be late and lose it. Its getting complicated. If I like her and she is avoiding me, should I try to change her mind? Absolutely not! I shall convince myself, thats her loss. What if I like her and she proposes out of blue. Should I say yes? I don't think so. How can you judge a person in one date? What if they are just showing off and are completely different by heart. I won't give one more heartbreak to myself. My experiences suggest no, my mind is jumping, YES! YES! Maybe its seeing something after that event. And I don't think I should look after yet another relationship as previous ones gave me lots of setbacks in my career and life. Then why this date? Its totally a bad idea. Why don't you stay home and study? My brain instantly shouts no!, a big NO, my heart starts beating faster and ache, the sides of cube stop moving and all parts of body combinedly goes on strike against that thought. Ok I will go. I know if I don't, I'm gonna spend the whole day regretting.
Next turn and series serious questions arise. What if she is pretty and perfect? No one is perfect, let's rephrase it, what if she is perfect in everything I think perfection can be in, or what if she is the measure of perfection in my definition of perfection? More responsible than me, higher I.Q and I get nothing to brag about and yet she says we can be together. Should I take it as an insult and leave or try to make it to her level? But I will have to face so many insulting instances In this path. No, I can't, I cannot bear that. Let's try a different attitude. How about, I will back out, tell her that she is much more perfect than me and ask her to give me some time and build myself and when I am better in every aspect then ask her out again. She will be probably be gone by then. I know its a stupid idea. What can I do then, just move on, as the script says, When you are perfect you shall get another.
I look below at the cube, its solved but there are lot of questions searching for answers yet in my mind. But I don't feel like looking for answers. We will see what shall happen. I must have patience as I always do and control myself that I always can't do.
Maybe this whole idea is absurd. Internet chat and finally meeting in person. I am feeling nervous.
Now:
I went on that date, she was a gorgeous person with gorgeous personality. We met few more times but we ended hating each other. I stopped using yahoo messenger, maybe because started using Facebook, left that city, not because of her, certainly! I saw her some days ago and my memories revived.
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