Chie (Part-III)

 “How do you know her?” My friend asked me as soon as Chie left. “What was she talking about?”

“I met her yesterday, near the pool.”

“So, she is the reason of all this restlessness?”

“What?”

“Look at yourself. You are a mess. And I haven’t seen you this distracted before. Are you ok? Everyone is worried.”

“It’s nothing like that. It’s just a pre-competition stress that’s taking over. Don’t worry,” I lied.

“We are going up first tomorrow. Tell the coach now if you are having some trouble. He can find a replacem…,” She couldn’t finish her sentence. There was no option for replacement in my case. I was the muscle of the team, the whole team was dependent on me.

“Don’t worry. It’s nothing like that. We will do great tomorrow. Just focus on your preparation. Ok?”

She nodded lightly. I understood that she wasn’t convinced with my assurance. I felt a cold of responsibility in my chest. I remembered the slogan of our team, “Trophy for Aceh” and how I had prepared day and night for this. But everything was now null in my brain. I wondered how the priorities of my life changed all of sudden and realized this sudden change was going to bring an upset of larger scale if I didn’t focus on the right thing as of now. “But what is the right thing?” I asked myself. I remembered my dad, who always used to say that the right thing was always to make others happy. He devoted his life in service of needy people and always taught me to rise above the self-interest and selfishness.

I decided to review all my notes and summary this evening and be ready for the debate tomorrow. The fire that was blazing as I left for Jakarta started warming my cool chest again but it felt heavy. I felt very hungry and nauseated suddenly. I saw the coach and other teammates approaching towards us. I started ingesting big chunk of food from my plate. And we were ready to go inside when the others got to us.

We all got inside the hall and sat on the seats which were now arranged and allocated according to the participating schools. The team participating today were on the front rows and others were seated backside. With the ring of the bell, the announcer came on the stage and announced the name of the schools competing next. Even though my mind was filled with the righteous conviction, my heart was leaping with excitement that my Chie was coming to the stage next. For the next half an hour, Chie and a shrewd looking participant from AIS debated against and for the single sex schools respectively. With appropriate logic, fluency and control of language and well sorted examples the other participant easily dominated over Chie, while Chie was nervously struggling for choosing the proper words for making her point. Chie lost her debate and her run for the competition was over. I was having a mixed feeling as I was watching all that. I was feeling sad for Chie as she was losing and I was alarmed registering the level of competition. It was certainly tougher than I had apprehended lately. As the announcer was announcing the names of participants for the next debate session, I walked out of the hall and went straight to the hostel. I took out all the notes and materials I had prepared for the debate and started flipping pages. In every pages I could see Chie’s nervous face turning red as she was losing the debate. I felt strong pain inside my chest, as if I was eliminated. It was my selfishness, which wanted Chie to win that session and another, so that I could see her proud smile and dazzling eyes joyous in victory. I was sure that I would have to bear the same consequences if I didn’t utilize every second available to me. I felt like suffocating so I changed my clothes and wore comfortable pajamas. I started reading the points and paragraphs from the notebook and soon Chie was far lost into some corner of my memory. I lost the track of time and position and every cell of my brain was filled with logics and examples. I came to reality when my teammates returned to hostel as the competition for the day was over. They were discussing how the AIS’s all participants got to the next round and UNM was out of competition, which was Chie’s school. I instantly remembered my hard earned date with Chie. It was already six. I felt like the whole world was shaking; experienced free fall and rushed towards the exit. I looked for the cab but my bad luck; none were vacant. I ran as fast as I could all the way to Skye to meet the girl of my dreams. As I reached the entrance of the restaurant, I realized that I was sweaty and smelly and I even forgot to change my clothes in the rush. I was about to be in a hard earned date of the lifetime and I was dressed in pajamas and looked like I just got back from a street fight. There was no going back anyway, so I slowly stepped inside the restaurant and started looking around. The restaurant was deserted and most tables were empty. But Chie was nowhere to be found. A thought ran into my mind that maybe she went back as the competition was over for her, but I dismissed the thought that she wouldn’t ditch me that way. I looked all over the restaurant but couldn’t find her. I felt exhausted and feverish, my excitement and longing for that moment was all shattered. I had fancied each moment of that date which would now never be true. The stress and the run had worn me out physically and the feeling of Chie discarding me battered psychologically. I threw up in the decorative bushes and was about to pass out; I found a chair and slowly settled myself in it, as a cool evening breeze hit my face and brought me back to life. Tears flowed from my eyes and I cried relentlessly not because I had missed a date with Chie but I had failed, for the first time in my life. I had disappointed her and myself and the feeling of failure only grew deeper as I sat there sobbing. I don’t remember how long I sat there that way. Luckily there were no guests on that side of the restaurant that day, else they would have kicked me out. After a while as I was preparing myself to get rid of that melancholy; get back in my feet and travel back to hostel someone tapped on my shoulders. I instinctively rubbed the tears off my eyes and lifted my head up to find Chie’s friend standing in front of me with bereaved looks.

“Where is Chie?” I asked her in an impulse.

She hesitated for a while and said, “You don’t know much about Chie. She has spinal cancer. Today she was complaining about back pain since morning and it only became worse as the day went by. We all suggested her to quit the debate and take rest but she denied. It made things worse and she had to be rushed to the hospital.”

The only word I heard after cancer was hospital. I was staring straight at her eyes as she was telling me about Chie. “Which hospital?” I hurried.

“She’s been taken back to Sulawasi, her treatment was going on there. In fact I’m coming here directly from the airport. She asked me to meet you here. She told me that you will be waiting for her.”

My body and brain had taken a lot already and it didn’t even winced with the new information. Nothing mattered anymore, nothing felt of any important. I sat in the chair silently as she looked down at me confused. She called my name few times but I ignored her completely. I dived into the ocean of emptiness for a while. Everything seemed dark and silent. It was like a black hole, except here nothing got in. After a while everything started settling down and I decided to put everything that happened behind and get up and go back to normal. I decided to flip on the pages of the notebooks again and dive into it. I decided to fill my brain with logics and ideas and beat any challenger that will be on my way tomorrow. I decided to look beyond my wants and selfishness.

We won the competition.

(to be continued.....)

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Chie (Part-II)

I got out of my bed at dawn and went for a walk. The coolness was soothing my desperation and my eyes were looking everywhere considering the chance that she maybe be feeling the same and would be out.  I walked up to the pool and sat at the bench and replayed all the memories in my mind. I sat there in chillness with a mild smile in my face and the image of her in my mind. Tall, slender, curvy body with perfect ass and breasts, she was heavenly. And her eyes; she had the most beautiful eyes. I could see the sky and sea in her eyes.

The sun was up and slowly the participants started coming to the park and pool. The tie-sheet was pasted in the notice board and many of the students were clinging upon one another to take a peek. It felt funny that I was the part of the crowd until yesterday and I didn’t care about it at all today. I was a divergent and she was my genesis. My chain of thought was suddenly interrupted by loud ring of bell. It was the signal for all the participants to gather for the assembly. All the participants started moving towards the assembly hall and I also carried myself along with everyone. My eyes started wandering at all the faces I passed but unfortunately she was nowhere to be seen. I felt tired, maybe because of the sleepless night and I realized I hadn’t eaten anything since yesterday afternoon.

There was a long queue for entering the hall as the registration and badge distribution was done in the way in. The volunteers were rather sluggish and taking lots of time on one participant. I was irritated by the scene and felt dizzy due to weakness. It took forever to reach the door and when I got inside all the chairs were already taken. It was like a nightmare and in between events I was trying to wake up in my bed, in my room. Suddenly I came back to reality when I heard my name. My friends had reserved a seat for me. I was never thankful to anyone as I was towards them at that moment.

“We looked for you everywhere, where were you?” My friend asked me.

“I was just roaming around.” I lied. “Do you have something to eat, I am so hungry.”

“Oh you missed the breakfast! I just have orange juice.”

I rejuvenated with each gulp and my dizziness was gone for good. My eyes were soon wandering all around and finally they found what they were looking for. Chie with her teammates was sitting at the third row from the front. The hall was noisy with all the participants moving searching for the seats and shouting their team mates names. My eyes were fixed on Chie’s dorsum, I was worried that if even for a fraction of second I moved my eyes, I would lose her. I just wanted her to look back at me, to know that I was there in that hall, behind her, several seats though. I thought of calling her loud so that she will hear me but with all the noise, my shout would be lost half way. I decided to try telepathy. I had read that, if the feelings are strong, telepathy works. So, I concentrated with all my might, looked steadily in the back of her head and shouted her name in my mind, CHIE. It was of no use. But it was fascinating that I could concentrate my focus to that level in a clamorous scenario as such. I felt guilty for all those times I blamed my friends and family for distracting my concentration, as I realized that it was the will that shapes up the concentration of the brain, not the situation or scenario. That’s what Buddha is, a person who can focus on the right thing even in chaos, and the right thing, right now was to communicate with Chie, whatever the means it may require.

“Did u see the tie-sheet?” My friend interrupted my chain of thoughts.

“What?” I sounded annoyed.

“Tie sheet, did you see it? We are going up tomorrow, against Bandung in the first round.”

“Oh!” I said, “Bandung is easy. Isn’t it the team we beat in their own home last time?”

“Yes it is. And the participants are all the same. Stupid selectors.” She roasted. “What’s wrong with you? You look very distracted.”

“Oh, it’s nothing. I am not feeling so well. Maybe because I missed the breakfast.”

Suddenly the hall, as loud as the war zone turned dead silent as the announcer took the podium to welcome all the participants. The inaugural ceremony followed by the speech of the chief guest and other guest, welcoming and sharing best wishes continued for about two hours. All that time I was just focused on my telepathy. I would be distracted and come back to reality every time a loud roar of claps would follow the end of welcome speech of a guest. If it was other times, I would instruct all my teammates to focus on every word of these intellectual speakers as they gave us tips for better debates, but today, even I wasn’t listening a word, they were saying. I was just focusing on the round head with black hair and shouting the name loud in my mind, CHIE. It didn’t work.

After the inaugural ceremony was over, all the participants were instructed to move towards the canteen for lunch. My heart leaped, I could finally see her now. I jumped from my seat and rushed towards the front door, where Chie was heading. I bounced on some participants and shouted sorry on each tackle. I heard stupid, moron directed towards me, but those didn’t offend or stop me. What did hit brake on my flight was the thought of presenting myself in front of her. I had already embarrassed myself in front of her once and chasing her in that speed and with that desperation would only make a bad impression. I stood still in between the passage of the hall blocking hundreds of participants bouncing on me. I watched her moving towards the exit door and as she reached the door, I thought of using telepathy again and shouted her name with all my might in my mind. She stopped and looked towards me. I was never that delighted in my whole life, it was like accomplishing the greatest challenge. Finally she was looking at me and as I looked around everyone was looking at me. It was then when I realized, I had shouted her name out loud and had created a story for everyone to share back home about the competition. A huge roar of laughter filled the hall and my face turned from red to pale with shame and embarrassment. But it was not over yet, what came after was disastrous. I don’t know why I did that, but I lifted by right hand, put it in my left side of my chest and pointed towards her. She was already embarrassed got only annoyed by my acts and walked away. I followed the crowd and walked towards the cafeteria.

“Why did you run towards the front door?” My teammate found me. “You are acting strange. What’s the matter?”

It was fortunate they were already out of the hall before my showdown.

“I was hungry. I didn’t know there was a back door.” I lied.

“But you came in from the back door”.

“Where’s the food?” I winked.

I got a pyramid of food in my plate but didn’t feel like eating. All the events started playing in my mind, and I cursed myself for being as an ass. I was just playing with my food which now I had decided not to eat, I saw Chie coming towards me. I froze on the chair, eyes steady on her as if I was watching a ghost in a horror movie. She had an annoyed expression in her face but when she saw my condition couldn’t stop bursting into a loud laughter. That eased me and I relaxed a bit. I tried to bring a curve of smile in my face. She sat in the chair next to mine with a big smile, while I sat there with my head low in embarrassment. I couldn’t look her in her eyes.

“That stunt you pulled in there was awkward, but required guts. I am impressed.” She said.

I raised my head with a jerk after hearing that and hurt my neck. I always had that wiring problem with my nerves in my neck. I would feel severe pain in my neck if I jerked my head.

“Ouch!” I struck my head on the table. It felt so funny, I started laughing with my head down, eyes full of tears and both my hands on my neck.

“Are you ok?” She asked joining the laugh with me.

“Manufacturing defect” I replied.

“Oh I have lot of those”.

She is just trying to comfort me, I thought. What defect could such a perfect body have, I questioned with myself.

“So, what were you trying to tell me back there?”

“I am in love with you. The reason I am here, in this competition, or in this country is to be with you. It was fate that we met. I loved you before we even met, my love just didn’t have a face then, but it has now.”

“So much for two swipes of hands.” She laughed. “I am facing Australian Int’l after lunch. When is your’s turn?”

“Tomorrow.”

“I will see you at 6 this evening then. Meet me at SKYE.”

She stood up and left. My heart missed a beat and my body was flying with joy. SIX and SKYE were the only two words floating in my brain,

“Good luck”, I shouted. I wonder if she heard.

(to be continued....)

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The social trolls

Google defines Society as, “the aggregate of people living together in a more or less ordered community." So we are the ones who constitutes it. Yes people, we are the society, No society without us! Due to a lots and lots of outdated rules set hundreds of years back which  still governs our society and a little due to different thinking perspective among people, our society is not perfect. It is full of taboos, anathema and proscriptions. But in sake of so called preserving the culture or any other excuses our society hasn't got any chance to evolve with time. Maybe people are scared, the change might bring mayhem, which is why they agree and follow these stupid practices. 

Due to this resistance and keeping a blind eye in evil rules our mothers and sisters had to burn alive as "Sati" for hundreds of years, little girls are forced to stay in temple and abused for lifetime as "Deuki" , children who don't even have grown pubic hair are married, women are burnt alive because their parents are not generous on dowry, lots of female fetus are killed before they even can get birth, not letting people go to well, temples, hating them as untouchables for life, based on their caste; Why can't people understand, we cannot choose the caste where we are born. And we get only one life. What kind of culture is this, hating people for getting birth? The problems like abuse of a girl child in a family by her own relatives, not sending children to school, forcing people for arrange marriage, etc. are not even considered problems in the society. And these are just few examples. These examples are well-known and some are even being abolished as people now have seen better practices in other evolved societies. Due to globalization and advancement in information and technologies now we know that our practices are not best and they need to be and can be changed. Though change is inevitable the resistance among people is ruining a lots of lives.

But evolving doesn’t mean adopting others culture completely. If we choose to do that it will turn out to be even bigger problem. Our society has faults, so is the case with others. Evolving means taking the pros and helping each other to overcome the cons.

I present here the perfect real example that will depict all my above points. Here I present to you the screenshots of a Facebook post and the comments that followed, and compare it with the represents of the society. Unfortunately we all represent at least one of these represents.

A guy posted that in a popular Facebook page. He represents the group of people who act as a carrier of cons of the others societies. In this case I don’t believe that even he means what he has posted, he just wants some chaos for popularity. And I am giving that to him, as he is helping me in making my points. He represents the “imbecile” group of people. He lies in the bottom of the social table as radical element. 

The second picture is the representation of another group of people; they are the prey. This bait as a post by the carrier was for them. And they have presented their best. They are the factors that blocks the change in the society. These are the resistance. They lie in the top of the social table as extremist element. They fuel the chaos.

Third picture represents the chaos. The extremist and the radicals are fighting each other for no reason. They have completely set aside the main idea and now they are pouring their personal frustration among each other.

Fourth picture shows that the chaos is weakening as they do not have enough logic to carry on. 

In fifth picture the extremist are petitioning for help. They believe they are the righteous and the moral ones so they are requesting the authority for support. They believe that removing the post is victory and do not even consider to solve the issue. Easy way, if you can’t solve a question remove it from the question sheet.

The sixth picture is the entry of the trolls. They are indifferent people, they just follow entertainment. They are the crowd that we see in any catastrophe. They enjoy chaos.

Last picture shows the covetous people. They are the most optimistic people in the lot. They are already jealous considering the person maybe have been benefited in some way. The next similar post will come from these people. They are in the way to be the radical for popularity.

This is the real depiction of our society. This is how a radical idea is dealt with. The bride who's father cannot provide enough dowry is the radical one and the husband and his family are the extremist, and the logic doesn't work there, they burn her alive. A "dalit" women goes to the well for water, she is the radical and so called higher caste physically and mentally torture her. We can find hundreds of such examples in the society everyday and we just put a blind eye to it. The extremist abuse and torture people, while the governing body cannot do anything as it is mostly composed of extremists. The radicals cannot speak out considering the consequences. So, the society is stagnated. We know whats wrong and right. But we think it is not our responsibility to change things. We just witness the social injustice and mayhem. We are just the part of the crowd. We are just the trolls. 

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Chie (Part-I)

“What comprises you?” I asked.

“Pain,” She replied. “So beautiful and tempting”.

I was surprised with her answer. How can pain ever be tempting? All of our lives we try to stay away from pain, we pray that no pain shall besiege our happiness. And now the most joyous girl I ever met was telling that pain was what comprises her joy and it is tempting.

I looked at her confused and she knew what was erring me.

“Pain is so uninviting yet so tempting, so dark yet so beautiful. Why else everyone would be attracted towards it, when all their lives they apply measures to avoid it. Why else it would be living inside everyone. Go outside and see people’s lives, everyone is in pain. No one can distance themselves from pain. People choose pain one way or the other, knowingly or unknowingly and each time they have an option to avoid it. They turn blind and ignore all the other options but the one with pain. And once they exercise the option, pain overcomes them, attacks with troubles, stress, failure and regrets”.

I was stunned at her logic, but it was Chie, and she had a different way of looking at things and a different idea of living her life. And what I am going to tell you today is her story.

I first met her in an interstate debate competition few weeks ago. I with other fifteen enthusiastic debaters representing my state had prepared well for the competition. We had just one mission, “trophy to Aceh”, and it was our slogan too. We had been working hard for the competition since three months and we had prepared well in almost all the probable topics. I was very excited to get to the podium and show how well I had prepared, same was with my friends. We were fully exhausted when we reached Jakarta, and all my friends were snoring on the couch very soon. But I needed some warm up. The competition was due to start tomorrow and I had to revise some probable topics. But it wasn’t possible in between all those snoring. So, I carried a book and a pencil and went for a walk around the hotel. I chose a lonely bench beside a crowded swimming pool and started flipping my book.  It wasn’t the best place for study but I could enjoy the perfect view of all the glamour and bikinis without being spotted as pervert. My eyes started running around, first to the fat girl with top heavy then to flat chested, then to stumpy, skinny and plus sized, oh god there was so much glamour. Their wet skin radiating light in the sun and some perfect and some imperfect curves were dazzling my eyes. And suddenly my eyes struck on one of the perfect curvy body. I followed my eyes to her face and again struck on the best pair of eyes I had ever seen. I suddenly realized I had a lot of times complimented many ladies for having a beautiful pair of eyes but this time, this was out of the world. She had what it’s called as poetic eyes, I literally could recite the poem flowing through my brain.

She is an angel, I duly reckon it;

Face of a cherub, demeanor of diva;

Doing magic on me are her eyes

Choking my gullet, raising my lust;

Suddenly my eyes met hers and I let my pirate eyes away from her because there was no way I could sustain. She started waving her hands came towards me and with each her steps, I could feel the upsurge of coolness of sweat on my back, causing spasm. At the same time my heart was burning as a furnace and my nerves were confused whether to feel hot or cold. The temperature anomaly raised to its peak and elapsed to its lowest as she passed me and hugged her friend in joy behind me. I could hear their giggle in all embarrassment to myself and shame of yellowness. I was there for the greatest debate tournament and I was nervous to speak. She had emptied the mind of the state champion of Aceh with just her looks. Then I realized she was a competitor too and I had lost before the battle began. Shame sometimes provides strength and it did that time, I turned around and walked to her. As I reached to the girls and their eyes fell on me, I realized my mind was completely empty and the thought center had already given up but the motivation muscle was full on.  “You can do it”, I said to myself.

“It was very rude of you to wave me and approach her”, I regretted the moment I said so.

They both cracked into laughter, and her friend said, “We’re sorry, but the way you were seeing her we had to do that!” Their laughter grew louder. They had intentionally done it, and my approach how stupid it was, had hit the right nail. I was no more embarrassed.

“Well I couldn’t help but let the poetry flow into my veins through my eyes.”

“You are a poet, then!” She spoke for the first time.

“I try.” I deliberated my swag which at once fell to new low when she asked: “Let’s hear few lines then.”

I had to contend my pride and there was already red signal of retreat for which I told her;

“Poetry isn’t something that I have or make and give it to you darling;

It is a harvest of empathy that flows in right place with right person,

Be my companion for a rendezvous, oh fair angel of tenderness;

I shall portray every bit in paean, the growth you in me after then.”

“You are in a wrong place, mister.” Her friend tweaked me out of my verse. “It is a debate competition, not poetry. And you need to earn a date with Chie.” She said playfully.

“I think he already did,” Chie said with her eyes straight on mine and flirtatious look in her face.

Next day was the day of competition. All night I thought about her. It was wonderful how a person can change your whole priority of being there. The most important competition for which I was there, for which I prepared so hard was not so important anymore. All night I was waiting for the sun to rise but not to rise and shine on the grand stage but on her beautiful face. All the members of my group were having discussions on strategies and having debate sessions with each other. Time and again a friend would call me to join them but I was no more interested in that. They wouldn’t insist because of my past performances and everyone thought that I was revising and rehearsing on myself. Everyone believed that it was the silence before the storm. But only I knew about the storm that was going on in me. Only I knew I had already won much bigger prize than the competition, a date with Chie.

(To be continued………)

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My Tell Tale Heart (Bohemian Rhapsody)

It’s true! Yes, I had loved her with all my heart, loved her a lot. But why do u ask me that I committed such a heinous crime? Why did I present so brutal side of me? Can you not see my love in what I did? Is it not clear by my actions that how much I wanted her? Indeed, my love increased my desire. I started to live in my dreams with her. I saw her everywhere and my imagination became powerful. I was unable to differentiate the reality and fantasy. Maybe I didn’t want to, I was so happy in fantasy. Then why did I do what I did?

Listen! Listen, and I will tell you how it all happened. You will see, you will feel how deep my love was for her.

Is this the real life? Is this just fantasy?

Caught in a landslide, no escape from reality.

It is impossible to say how I felt when I saw her with him for the first time. I had no reason to do what I did. I did not hate him, he never hurt me. He didn’t even know me, neither did she. I never presented myself in front of her, never expressed my love. It was their brawl that I hated. I wanted her for myself but she chose him and I could sense her gloom. Whenever I saw them together, a cold feeling went up and down my back; my blood became cold. And so, I finally decided I had to kill her boyfriend and make her mine forever!

So you think my love wasn’t real? I wasn’t able to present her my true love because of him. But you should have seen me. I had dedicated myself all week just to free her from misery. I shifted to his dorm, befriended him, and gained his empathy and trust.

Open your eyes, look up to the skies and see,

I’m just a poor boy, I need no sympathy,

Because I’m easy come, easy go,

Little high, little low,

Anyway the wind blows doesn’t really matter to me, to me.

Every night at twelve o’clock I slowly opened his door. And when the door was opened wide enough for me to see inside, I quietly peeked inside in the dark. His bed was on the far corner of the room. I stood there for few minutes analyzed every moment and when I affirm he was alone I would abort the mission. I wanted her to be there to behold my great deed of affection for her.

And every morning I went to his room, and with all friendliness I asked him, how he slept. He couldn’t even wildly guess that every night exactly at twelve I watched him sleep. I did this for seven consecutive long nights. And every morning I greeted him with warm good morning.

The eighth night, as usual I slowly opened the door and peeked in the dark. I saw two shadows moving up and down. I realized tonight was the night I was waiting since several days. The night was perfect as all the University students were having loud party on the other side of the University. Never before I had felt such strength on me, I was sure of my success tonight. I pushed the door hard and it flung opened. But they were so deeply engrossed in their coitus, they were unaware of my presence. I shut the door behind me and went close to the bed and jerked the coverings off. His naked body tumbled off the bed to the floor. I could see awe in his face when he stared at me in the trauma of the moment. Then I took out my axe and hit him hard in his head.

Mama, just killed a man,

Put a gun against his head,

Pulled my trigger, now he's dead.

Mama, life had just begun,

But now I've gone and thrown it all away.

She shouted to her might as he fell dead on the floor. The screech echoed through the hallways and reached every corner of the University. I gawked on her and saw loath and horror in her eyes. There was no love. I had freed her from her misery and presented my absolute fidelity but she gave me hatred in return. She started crying blaming for destroying her life. As she cried louder my anger grew and became more painful. The unusual deterrence of my mission developed fear inside me. I got nervous, “it was not supposed to be this way”, I said to myself then swung my axe and chopped her skull. The night got silent again for a moment.

Mama, ooh,

Didn't mean to make you cry,

If I'm not back again this time tomorrow,

Carry on, carry on as if nothing really matters.

Too late, my time has come,

Sent shivers down my spine,

Body's aching all the time.

Goodbye, everybody, I've got to go,

Gotta leave you all behind and face the truth.

Mama, ooh (anyway the wind blows),

I don't wanna die,

I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

Then I heard few footsteps coming through the corridor. I could sense their rush. They must have heard her screeching. I was filled with agony. Agony, that she couldn’t perceive my love. She assaulted my love for her and refused my gift of freedom.

I see a little silhouetto of a man,

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?

Thunderbolt and lightning,

Very, very frightening me.

(Galileo) Galileo.

(Galileo) Galileo,

Galileo Figaro

Magnifico.

Three men from the night guards came in with torches. They must have been guarding this wing of the dormitory and must have heard her cries. They froze their steps when they saw the scene. I acted normal, as if nothing had happened. I stayed calm and easy and welcomed them in. I tried to gain their empathy and bribe their sympathy.

I'm just a poor boy, nobody loves me.

He's just a poor boy from a poor family,

Spare him his life from this monstrosity.

As I was portraying the occurrence of the events in my words, one of the guard entangled me from behind. His hold was strong and though I struggled I couldn’t free myself. They didn’t accept my plea about my sacrifice for love. The other two came and caught my legs.

Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?

Bismillah! No, we will not let you go. (Let him go!)

Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let him go!)

Bismillah! We will not let you go. (Let me go!)

Will not let you go. (Let me go!)

Never, never let you go

Never let me go, oh.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, mama mia, mama mia (Mama mia, let me go.)

Beelzebub has a devil put aside for me, for me, for me.

My hands were free and I still had my axe in my hand. They mustn’t have seen it in the dark. I swung the axe in one of the guard’s skull. The other jolted me with panic. I dangled the axe in all directions and they were all wounded. Then I chopped their bodies into pieces. It was my frustration as no one could understand the value of what I had done.

So you think you can stone me and spit in my eye?

So you think you can love me and leave me to die?

Oh, baby, can't do this to me, baby,

Just gotta get out, just gotta get right outta here.

(Oh, yeah, oh yeah)

Then my agony, fear and anxiety all disappeared and I felt a deep pain in my chest. I pressed the back end of the axe to my chest to control the pain. I sensed the phony life of compromises everyone was living.  The fake love and bogus relationships have made them blind. They couldn’t recognize true love. She couldn’t recognize my true love. There at that moment I realize that nothing really matters in this phony world. A small smile spurt in my face at this feeling. I stayed there for how long I don’t remember. Next day I confessed for what I did, and they awarded me with death penalty. I smiled as they hung me.

Nothing really matters,

Anyone can see,

Nothing really matters,

Nothing really matters to me.

Anyway the wind blows.

                                                            FIN

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The GB Road reassurance

It is a cold winter night but the city is still alive. It doesn’t really give you the feeling of being in New Delhi, the heart of the capital of India. A foul smell of public toilet, garbage thrown at every side of the road, shouting and crying of people all over. The rickshaw walas and auto walas are fighting to get the passengers, well it doesn’t seem to be a very good night for them. Many people are gathered here and there in front and besides of tea stalls, stopping and drinking hot tea and moving on. No one talks with another yet it is so noisy and everyone is scared being there at the moment yet unknown of what they fear of. The street is crowded and people are rushing in and out in rickshaws and autos which move making way through the dense mass of people walking by. And while making way they sometime hit people and even hurt them. But there is no system of apologies, both of them are convinced that it’s either’s mistake, curse each other and return to whatever they are doing. This is the every night’s story but today it is going to be somewhat different.

Today on the crossroads of the New Delhi stands a man with no business to be there at all. His name is Sagar. And Sagar here is going to provide some contentment to these obscurities. There is going to be a little show for everyone tonight. The tricky thing is he himself has no idea that his life is going to change completely and he is going to change someone else’s as well. He is a man of average built with white skin. He is dressed very well with a corporate attire. He is wearing a black blazer underneath which is a well ironed white formal shirt with black pant. A golden Rado is shining in his left hand. He outstand the crowd with his postures and attitude and every one passing by gave him a hate look. Few rickshaw walas have already approached him asking where he wanted to go and each time they only bought him back to consciousness, he had no idea where he wanted to or supposed to be. He had rage in his head, he was trying hard to hide it with silent. The city was a complete mute for him, he had his own noise superseding. He was just walking on along with the crowd and had just stopped at the crossroads. People were taking different direction of their purpose from there. But he had no purpose of his own. He stood there confused what to do with his life without any purpose any longer.

“Want some entertainment?” A middle age man appeared grinning with low voice.

Sagar stared at his face for a while as if he was some alien. He looked around, he was standing at the entrance of GB road. He had come to this place a lot of time but never dared to go inside. Every time there was someone whom he admired and believed going there would be betrayal and unethical. This feeling of betrayal to the beloved always built a fence between him and a lot of his fantasies. There was always someone that would be betrayed if he did what he really want to. He quit his music love because his dad didn’t want him to pursue it and doing it against his will would betray him, he didn’t go hiking because his friend has altitude sickness and going without him would be a betrayal to him. There was always someone between him and what he wanted to do. But there was no fence today. There was no one to betray. And some warm body would surely do some good to his freezing body, he thought. Suddenly a lot of things came rushing to his mind. He felt the rush of the thought, he realized his mind suddenly started working and it was stopped before. He felt headache, his skin felt chill. He realized he was staring at the man for too long.

“What have you got for me?” He asked.

“Come with me and you shall get the night of your life you shall never forget.” The man said.

“Are you a pimp?”

“My name is Chaudary. We call it broker here, it is a nice word.” The man grinned. “I would like to be called that.”

They went through the street of GB road. He had heard that there are hardware shops on the ground floor and brothels on the other floors. The houses were old and had all attached together. It was like one very long house. The street lights lighted the road and he could hear girls laughing and calling for customers. He looked above to the houses, there were girls in each windows with flying kisses, smooching their breasts calling for customers to come up. Sagar had never come to this street. He always returned from the entrance. But he always fantasied it to be some place with big discos and bars. There were few restaurants and bar at the entrance of the road but they were not like he had imagined to be. And the most disappointing was the girls he saw were all old and ugly. He again looked towards the houses; all doors were numbered. The man took him inside the door number 64. It was like entering into a rough dark alley. Then there was a wooden staircase, very narrow and it creaked while they climbed up. It opened into softly lighted narrow hall. There was a counter in the corner and there were girls of different ages lined up beside. There were sofa sets on the other side of the counter where few other men sat. They also were some customer waiting for their turn as the rooms were filled.

A fat and ugly lady sat behind the counter. She was shouting and swearing some names again and again and ordering to make it quick. It was only her noise that sustained in that place. Everyone else was silent. Sagar glanced towards the girls, there were seven, and most of them were women of around age 30 to 35. Sagar always thought that the girls who work in places like this are forced to do so, and no one likes the life like this. One of his purpose of coming here was to see that people live miserable life though they don’t want to, but they are living it. He wanted to console himself that he was not in worse situation and he can still get out of the mess he had created. But to his surprise all the girls were smiling and cheerful. It seemed as if they were living the dream. As if wearing revealing clothes and waiting to be sold for the night was the life they dreamed of and finally attained. He realized that there was no people happier than these whores. His rage boiled. He saw Manisha’s face in those whores. She was also so cheerful when she left him. He suppressed his anger and looked towards the whores again. In the soft light he could see them flirting with the customers. The men in the sofa used to stand up and try to pull the girls. The ugly lady in the counter shouted at them and ask them to pay and do whatever they liked to do, but inside, not in front of her. Two men came out with a young women from a small door and another couple went in. People were there for a lot of reasons. They wanted to get out of their frustrating life for few time and fuck a women. Some were fed up of their life, some of their wife, some were fired from job, some were unemployed, everyone had some frustrations and those girls were the relief. There were every type of men, from rickshaw wala to big shots. The difference was the big shots were given more attentions and good looking young girls of their choice and rickshaw wala had to wait for their turn for the old whores. The only thing mattered there was money. Sagar wondered what were the names of these whores, what caste did they belong too. Nobody cared of caste or race or background of those whores. He thought the girls were free here. Outside of this road, the girls were judged on lots of basis. Her caste, creed, skin color, background, if she ever had a boyfriend, even by the display picture of Facebook etc etc. And why was she judged? For getting married; which in most cases turned out to be sex slavery that the society allowed. Sagar’s rage shifted to the social traditions and rules. He saw flaw in everything but he never tried to act against it. And he was also hunted down by the social rules, clean bowled.

“Her name is Kamala Bai, She runs the place”, Chaudary whispered. Chaudary signaled Sagar to sit on the sofa and went off to talk at the counter. Kamala Bai gave a glance at Sagar and smiled.

“So, the young man wants to have fun?” She asked loudly.

The girls laughed at Sagar and started their erotic act.

“I cannot wait in line!” Sagar gulped. He was already very scared and couldn’t resist everyone staring at him.

“Looks like young boy is in hurry.” Everyone laughed loud.

“I see everyone waiting in line for going in. Looks like you are short of rooms.”

“Oh no, young man, we have plenty of rooms for customers like you. Choose one girl and you are good to go.” She laughed loudly.

Sagar looked towards the girls. They were all old and ugly. Their breasts were wrinkled, ass was dislocated and either they were too skinny or very fat. He couldn’t decide what to do. Now he wanted to quit and go away, it was the stupidest idea but they wouldn’t let him. He knew he had got himself into trouble. He got so scared that he started to tremble with fear. Suddenly a middle aged man rose from sofa and pulled a whore near him. He was a dark complexioned man, wearing a yellow shirt that was now stinky and brown with the day labor.

“I will take his room. This kid cannot decide.” He shouted.

Kamala Bai Suddenly jumped out from the counter. She looked fierce and full of rage. The hall was filled with commotion. Sagar almost got a heart attack.  He was already feeling a severe pain in heart due to fear. The ugly lady kicked the man out of the building.

“Pay your dues first, motherfucker!” She shouted.

The man fell down the stairs straight to the streets. She was strongly built and looked uglier when she was angry. The sudden incident had caused a chaos and had disturbed the arrangement of the room. The man sitting on the sofa had stood up, few man and women came running from inside, maybe they thought of a police raid. The girls standing on the line were now disbursed. Sagar slowly looked around the room only moving his eyes. On the farthest corner from the counter behind two ladies there was a girl, her age not more than 17. She was pale with fear. She was slightly dark complexioned and with beautiful eyes. Her hair was braided and she wore brown kurthas. She was short and that had helped her till now to hide behind the old ladies. The girl’s eyes that were also slowly revolving around the room and matched Sagar’s, as he was staring at her; she suddenly looked down. Sagar smiled; he hadn’t smiled since he last remembered. Kamala Bai had now settled behind the counter but was still blabbering with irritation. The environment was settling slowly.

“That girl in brown kurthas,” Sagar called out.

The girl froze. She couldn’t hold her head up. She could hide no more. The day had come when she had to finally start the heinous journey her life was destined to. The other ladies gasped. No one chose the little girl before. Even if someone did, Kamala Bai never let anyone touch her. But she was always kept in display. The icon or model for advertisement she used to call her. Young boys are attracted seeing pretty girl but they can be easily manipulated. So if the pretty girl was kept for display, boys would rush in and she would easily land them with other whores; that was the strategy.

“She is only for display, young man,” Kamala Bai answered. “There are plenty other women for making your night memorable. I guarantee they are the best in this, what you call it, ya the specialist.” That made all other women chuckled.

“Come to me my gentlemen,” the women in the left corner said. Another women beside her came forward and touched his penis. She hold his hands and kept them in their breasts. Sagar withdrew from her and moved aside.

“But I want her,” he shouted. He couldn’t hold any longer.

Chaudary rushed to his side and whispered, “Kamala Bai never lets this girl to anyone. She is like her daughter. You are creating a trouble for us both.”

“But I want her and no one else”.

“There are so many other. You can take two if you like. See, that’s Lalita and Resma, come on today have double fun.” Chaudary signaled and two girls came forward to Sagar.

“But if she is here, she is going to start someday. You are not going to keep her as display item forever anyway. Give her to me today and I will pay you double.” Sagar was desperate and this was the one war of ego he wanted to win. He wanted to fuck the whore he chose.

“Ten thousands!” Kamala Bai declared. “And she is virgin. You cannot complain or ask for refund afterwards.”

Sagar took out his wallet and cashed down ten thousand bucks and said, “I won’t complain. I am virgin as well.”

(This story is a part of my untitled novel that I have started in my Wattpad profile. I will keep updating the story of the novel there. Follow me in wattpad https://www.wattpad.com/user/Bezayoli to know what happens next.)

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The River

When we were little kid, my brother and I used to go to a river side few km away from our home. It was one of the major rivers of our zone and there were huge open grassy fields all around it. We used to take our cow to graze in the field, tie it to the nail and go to the river banks. It was like the ultimate destination of excursion for us. It was our picnic spot, our playground and our safe haven when mom used to chase us for the mess and mayhem we used to create. We used to play in the sand, make pictures, write names and then fight with each other, rubbing each other’s art. We used to run in the bouncy sand and get to different islands of sand in the river. There was a strong connection of the river with us. It was very childish like us. Someday it would be real happy and calm like us. We used to get into it and feel the water passing through our legs. We would feel so strong blocking the river. Some days the river would grow in size and be real big and messy that even adults fear to come near. The river used to play with us, take us in its arms and throw us to the other side. There was nothing special on the other side, more grassy fields, thorns and vermin. Even though going to the other side challenging the river was our greatest expedition. My brother was my best friend and since he was much younger than me he used to follow all my directions however crazy it was. We had many cousins and we all used to live together but I remember only few instances going to the river with them. It was always my brother and me. To be honest we were restricted to go there. Our friend, the river was considered danger by our parents. We were strictly instructed not to go there, but no one could stop me at that age where logic was just a word and my brother never left me so we both used to go to the river regularly. So since we were anyway going they used to send the cow with us. And taking the cow with us was another happiest thing for us. The cow we had been considered the real devil. No one could come near it. Once it fractured my father’s leg hitting by its horn. But it was for the surprise of us all; it obeyed every word of my brother. And I must tell you my brother didn’t even have learnt properly to speak. I wonder now if they had any telepathic connections. The cow was our protector from stray dogs and other cows and buffalo we used to encounter in the way. Some days when I used to be in school and if other cousins won’t let my brother to play with them, he used to go the barn and talk with the cow. He used to tell the cow how bad the cousins were and he would complain me about them in the evening. The cow was the real enemy of the cousins, it used to chase them anywhere it saw them. And I was always there for my revenge seeking little brother. We had a different way of revenge. I was the eldest among all the cousins so I used to prompt them to go to the river in the evening and they had to obey me. I used to tell them the stories about the ghosts we saw the other day in our way. After reaching the river my brother and I used to hide in the tall grasses and make ghostly noise. The river used to help us in our revenge by making noises. After scaring the hell out of them we would laugh our stomach out and take them home. Once due to that act one of my cousins fell terribly ill and I got the scolding of lifetime. My parents never hit on me but that night I saw fury blazing on my dad’s eyes. It was scarier than the river ghost. I cried the whole night and my brother also cried for no reason, maybe to give me company. Then we never took the cousins to the river but we went regularly till this event happened.

It was a normal Saturday, there was no school so my brother and I took the cow and went towards the river early. In the way we found the cousins who had bought new dummy guns for the Tihar and they were showing us cockily. We had been arguing with mom for such guns but she wasn’t buying us so we were raged when we saw them boasting. My brother and I cursed them the whole way. After reaching the bank we tied the cow to graze and went to the river and started collecting white pebbles. The river had grown in size due to last night’s rain. We couldn’t find much white pebbles this side of the river. So we decided to go to the other side. My brother signaled the increased water level but I was just unstoppable. I steely signaled him to stay there if he was scared. But I knew my brother was not going to leave me. As always we hold hands and went inside the river. Slowly we started to cut the water current. We didn’t know how to swim but were experts on crossing the river. We were moving very slowly and blocking the water flow with all strength. But our strength was nothing compared to the water current and suddenly my brother slipped and we both were flooded with the river. Our hands hold was split and we both were doused into the water. I was stunned of what was happening and struggling to breathe. I was trying to go upward but the weight was pushing me downwards. My head was inflating and my eyes were shut and hurting and the cold was piercing through the skin. Then I suddenly remembered my brother. I realized he was inside the water and going through the same situation. Glooms and fear surrounded me and I felt the most desperate. Then I used my all strength to move and suddenly I felt like I was given a big push and I found my brother’s arm and next moment we were in the bank on the other side. We had crossed the river but we had floated a huge distance. It was a miracle that we were alive and unhurt. It took a moment for me to come to my senses. Then I looked at my brother, he was sobbing, and trembling with cold. I knew he was angry with me, because he had warned me about the river, but he didn’t say anything. He just looked into the river and cried. He knew that the river had saved our life. I was going to get into a bigger trouble when I would reach home. But I wasn’t scared, I was grateful that we both were safe. I felt sorry for my brother and for myself. I felt guilty for my stupidity. I looked down to the river. Our friend had saved our life.

Then we walked through the bank and finally found the place where the river wasn’t so wide and we crossed. We went home and I told mom everything. My brother was surprised because he was seeing the honest side of me for the first time. My mom just holds my brother in her arms for a while and started sobbing. I felt different that day, I hadn’t felt ever in that way, and I realized that was a change. After that we never went to river again. But I never forgot that it gave me a second life. And it will remain my friend and savior all my life.

Inspired by: To Kill A Mockingbird

Tribute to Late Harper Lee.

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