Plays around me

“Drama shows is for the ugly people. Beautiful people act in movies,” this is what she said before I declared the end of our relationship. For me acting in a live act is the most classic and fascinating, though I never got the chance. Yes, I did get some in the school but it was just as a side actor without dialogues and at orientation program which was just meant to be a presentation about the environmental hazards due to bad practices in business, so it doesn’t count. Besides those I never stepped forward even when I got any opportunities. I had some kind of stage phobia and it started a long time ago when I was a little kid. I was very timid since my childhood. I had few friends and they were timid too. So we watched other people’s acting and laughed at them. But at the end of the day, after all the fun was over, I used to think over and fantasize myself performing on the stage in front of all people and everyone cheering and clapping for me. But I pressed it inside and my phobia grew only stronger and today when I was ready for joining an acting session something inside of me said that, how much you try dude, you are not meant for this. And I quit.

Actually this feeling of acting in a stage, suppressed long before regenerated when I was in college after my friends performed at “Gurukul”. It also was my first experience of a live act in a theater. They did great. Lots of other people pointed out lots of clichés but I saw nothing other than awesomeness. Actually after I joined college, I worked real hard on my stage phobia thing and I was doing better. I gave speeches, participated in various stage programs and also anchored in various occasions. And after I saw the play that my friends acted on, my everlasting desire of acting myself rejuvenated. So, I decided to try once for myself. I picked one of the play that I wrote myself few years back and I set the camera and acted a one man play and recorded for myself to judge it. It was horrible. So I gave up acting without giving it a proper chance, because of which the feeling of giving it a try rises now and then, and I decided to watch it and enjoy that I do still today. Those days when every other boy of my age preferred movies over drama shows, I was so much into these live acts though they were so short, easily predictable, expensive and full of clichés.

I haven’t got a lot of chances of watching the drama shows as much as I made chances for movies, but each time I went for it, I made a very interesting memory that last forever and longs for more. As I mentioned already, the first show I watched was at Gurukul Theater and the act was performed by my classmates and friends. It carried a very beautiful message and they presented very well. It was my first experience and as Nabin says, everything is best when you try for the first time, I loved it. After that I watched “Purgatory”, a classic and a very difficult play which the actors presented beautifully. Then came the famous nepali play “Basai” and after that I watched two other plays that I don’t remember the names. But I remember that one was about the rebirth and next about the political instability. The actors, professionals did so good that I went backstage for congratulating them for such wonderful performance. The most appealing thing was, these actors of theatre were so simple and humble. Then after college I moved to Delhi and that was the end of my longings for live act. I watched a lot of movies while in Delhi. And that suppressed my desire for the drama show, and that was what I thought, until that day at Delhi University I found out that I still long for the live show. That was one of the days when I was lonely and had nothing to do. When I had such days I used to go unravelling the city. I used to go to the places in the city that I hadn’t visited earlier. That day too was one of those days and I hopped into the Delhi Metro and looked at the track map for the destination and there was no better place to be that day than at Delhi University. As I reached the university perimeter, first best thing in about a year in that city happened. There was this street play going on performed by the students of the university. A lot of people had gathered and they were distributing pamphlets which indicated that the play was about raising awareness about violence against women. The theme was simple and the actors presented the objective beautifully and the act was praiseworthy. I even talked with one of the actor and praised her performance and asked few questions about their team which she answered very patiently and that was then when I decided I would join Delhi University, the ocean of opportunities, though that wasn’t possible later due to lot of reasons but my passion for the live shows reached a new height.

After Delhi as I came to Kathmandu again, I had a determination that I will give a try to this acting thing once for a while. But none of my friends were interested even to watch the shows. So again the desire was suppressed, until one day, when suddenly I came across Mandala Theatre at Anamnagar. Interesting things were happening in my life those days. As I look behind, I feel guilt for what I did and as some of my friends say that what I did was correct, maybe that had to be done. Co-incidentally that dramatic event of my life happened at the theater. The event was that, for the first time in my life I was in a pseudo relationship. By pseudo relationship I mean an online relationship. I had met this real nice girl on the internet, lied her I was single, showed her affections and tenderness and in no time we were in a relationship, without even seeing each other. It was crazy from the very beginning and wasn’t serious at all, that I thought, unfortunately the other side thought a little alter. I wanted to keep the relationship only on the internet but she pressed on for meeting each other. I was making excuses and postponing the doomsday until one day it arrived. That day was the Mandala day. I decided to meet her at the theatre and asked her to be there. To be honest, that day was going to be the end of that crazy online relationship and I had no idea what form it was going to take, so I begged Nabin  to joined me. I even begged him to be Bezay for that date, which he declined mercilessly. Well, I had sinned and I had to be punished. The show that day was a dialogue less act of a love story of a frog. It was very good play, very well performed and Nabin loved it a lot, especially the character that portrayed female frog. He was shocked that was a male person who was acting as the female frog the whole time. He confessed that, he had already a crush on that female frog and his heart shattered when he discovered the actor to be a man. Now, about the girl. I won’t disclose how she looked like or what she wore, but I must mention that she didn’t speak a word all time. I would have considered her dumb if I hadn’t spoken with her earlier. After the show we all went our ways. Nabin was still thrilled that how can a man act so beautifully in a female character and I was in my own quandary to sort the things I had complicated in times. As I sat on the corner seat of the last row of the bus, looking outside, the cold street, lighted with the street lights and agonizing the sin being committed by me, I received the texts expressing gratitude for making her feel so happy and she felt fortunate for being with me. Then I got other texts for my safe travel home and a demand for reply. I did the most terrible thing of my life that evening and the fake bond was broken for good. I later apologized explaining everything what I went through and “I don’t care anymore”, was what I got in return.

Besides triggering a migraine by harsh mental exercise, something else was also triggered that day. Nabin loved the show and longed to watch more. And that lead to today, when we watched “Kapat” at Sarbanam Theater. It was simple, predictable and with lots of clichés but I enjoyed a lot. The thrill and excitement that these live shows and act generates inside me, no other media can and I will always be longing to be part of it. Maybe I will act someday.