Explicating C.K Raut & Sarita Giri

We, Nepali people have earned our sovereignty. Our ancestors fought formidable wars to keep our nation intact. The mighty rivals surrendered their will and acclaimed our might. The unblemished sovereignty and unity in our nationality is our greatest pride and it is the reason we raise our heads high and recognize ourselves as Nepali despite of our internally squabbling politics and strapped economy. We hold our head high as the sovereign citizen of a beautiful nation in the lap of Himalayas, in front of foreigners but deep inside each and every Nepali subject knows that we were never truly free. Always strapped in the chain of amoral politics and administration, despite of winning prodigious wars for sovereignty, we were always deprived of our rights and our country was treated as patrimony of the throne. The potentate or the family made the laws for us to obey and those laws drafted on their will for their purpose are still fiddling with our freedom and rights to remain sovereign. Now after several revolutions and sacrifices we are finally feeling free but still the fragments and the repercussion of past autocracy is still pulling our nation backwards, trying to break our unity exploring loopholes in our patriotism. The context is of Dr. C. K Raut, a self-claimed Jinnah of Madesh, the terai of Nepal, and Sarita Giri, a so called Madhesi freedom leader. Their motive clear; its to create commotion and misconception in Nepali people unity and trying to fragmentize the unshaken sovereignty using few points or laws drafted in past by tyrannical rulers.

C.K Raut, introduces himself as a man deprived from his original nationality. He believes Nepal has no right over the land of Madesh that is the inner Terai region of Nepal. He claims that it was a sovereign land before, which was snatched from the native people. And Sarita Giri, who protest against the migration of people from Hilly and Himalayan region to Terai. She allege that people living in upper region has no right to settle in Terai.  Her statement posted in social media enraged every Nepali people against her. She made an statement that Nepal government is planning to settle the pahadiya to Madesh as King Mahindra did, in excuse of the earthquake and she even warned that such act shall not be tolerable for the people of Madesh. Posting such statement at the time of national crisis made her the most hated person in Nepal.

During the Rana regime and before that, Kathmandu valley was termed as Nepal. Being the capital, it was the very prosperous city, both economically and culturally. The hilly region was the most populated and Terai belt was mostly dense jungle.  In the more southern region, which is now recognized as Madesh, few aboriginal societies used to reside. The Rana rulers were very concerned about the foreign intervention in their regime. The India was ruled by British and Ranas had proper ties with the British rulers on various terms. But in India the voice for independence was getting loud and Indian people had started to revolt for independence. The Indian people were tortured and chased in order to get rid of these freedom fighters by the British rulers and they hid in the Madesh regions. Many people who left India due to this or other various reasons in the course of time, settled in Madesh. The Ranas were anxious about the fact that if these aware and educated freedom fighters unite with Nepali people and excite them for the revolution of independence in Nepal, it would be a great crisis for them. So, in order to avoid these learned and aware people from the capital they enacted the rule that no person from Terai or Madesh shall enter the capital without proper identification and permit. This law helped the Ranas to extend the rule for quite a long time. But it was this southern wave of freedom that later dethroned them. This law was wiped out along with the Ranas as Nepal welcomed democracy. Unfortunate for Nepali people that C.K Raut has exaggerated the same law that Ranas enacted to avoid the south, to prove Madesh a different nation. His absurd logic that in past the Madeshi people required passport to travel to the capital as it was a separate nation is being used as the weapon for breaking the nation.

During the period of King Mahindra an event of national crisis occurred. People in Dharan and nearby districts suffered from cholera and dyspepsia. More than five hundred people died and it was declared a state of national crisis. King Mahindra himself visited the districts and formed a committee to find out the reason of outbreak of cholera. The committee submitted their report and they stated the cause of the disease to be the water of the river Tamor. The river was polluted by open-defecation, bathing the cattle and mixing of waste by people of the village just above Dharan. It was the cause of such huge death in Dharan. When King Mahindra heard this he at once ordered to move the village. When asked where to, he ordered them to be shifted to Koshi Tappu. But the problem was far to be solved. Next year due to flood in Koshi river the whole village was swapped and the people who lived had no where to go. When king was reported about the incident he ordered to allow the living people some land in Jhoda, where they could settle cutting the trees off. This is one of the event of migration of people from hills to terai. There are lots of other stories where people from hills migrated and settled in terai. And it is their right too, Nepali people can live anywhere in Nepal with equal rights and dignity. But some people like Sarita Giri, use these events to create commotion and riots.

While analyzing these both people’s statements, I find it to be baseless and threat to sovereignty and integrity of our nation. But the inaction of government to stop these fallacies is depressing.   

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When Nature Hit (Earthquake 2072)

The day had started late with unnatural coolness and a heavy head. Maybe it was the late night movies and herbs, acting hard on me. I remembered Osho’s saying, “Laugh when you wake up, and laugh at the death that couldn’t conquer you last night; laugh and start the day as if it were the first day of your life.” I was smiling but it wasn’t for defeating the death last night but remembering “pari tyo dada ma hera gham lagyo gamailo….,” maybe the herbs were still acting on me. At around 11:30 I bid goodbye to my host last night, and set out to home with uncle. He was driving and it was a smooth ride. He was talking about his plans for the day and I was rumbling ideas for the two company’s business profile I had to prepare as soon as I get home, in my mind. At 11:55 we had passed Chabahil and I exactly remember the place where the tremor started. In front of daffodil school, I was lying on the ground, couldn’t stand on my feet, partly due to trembling surface and partly due to shock maybe. To be honest I had never felt an earthquake before, everyone would run and shout announcing the quake and I would wonder why I never feel it. Still once I remember waking up realizing my bed trembling, I was so sure it was an earthquake only to find out it was my brother’s prank. So lots of disappointments had struck to me before this earthquake struck. People were running to safe places, open lawns and fields, unfortunately very less area sanctioned for that and surrounded by walls which was the first to fall off as quake hit the land. But I couldn’t run or think of anything. My mind froze with shock, it was fear but more of it was realization. My eyes were looking up at the 5 storied building swinging like a swing and I knew that my life at that moment depended on the engineering of that building. If it falls, it’s going to smash me so hard that no one’s going to find my bones. This horror brought me to senses and somehow I was able to stand in my feet and run in the opposite direction. Walls fell as I ran, people’s screaming all over and praying. I halted in an open grounded and sat down. I saw around to find the more than hundred people in that lawn each praying for Rama and Krishna to bestow mercy upon them. The tremor had already stopped but the horror wasn’t going to end so soon. I looked above to the gigantic houses around, “Fortunately not much damage,” I thought. Then a cry of pain gathered everyone’s attention. Three women’s were carried to the lawn and one was weeping sorely. A mother and her two daughters were watching T.V when the quake struck and the roof fell over as they were trying to run outside. Luckily they were not much hurt except for the youngest daughter’s leg that was bleeding her out. Everyone started trying phone calls but the network was down. Suddenly my phone rang, it was my dad’s call and I felt re-energized (just now a tremor was felt, as I write it down. Everyone is out of their houses recalling all reminiscence), knowing everyone was all right. Till then everyone including me was thinking that it was just an earthquake, who would have known this event had the impact that shall never be forgotten. Then people started moving and news circulated. “The Sattale is no more, it killed hundreds of people with it”, someone said; “my house fell off”, said another “along with my neighbor’s”. People were slowly starting to scatter when the tremor started again. Everyone ran to the lawn again, it was the safe haven. Their house was now enemy which was now a killer and open land was the shelter. We stayed there for a while. Uncle was worried about his family and the phone connection was off, maybe the towers were down. So he decided to go back home. I was near home so I agreed to walk. He promised to call after reaching and I bid him goodbye. As I walked, the real picture of disaster came in front of my eyes. A five storied building had turned upside down in Faika, people were smashed behind it. Lots of houses lost its roofs and fixtures. Every houses were cracked and abandoned.

As I reached home, I found all my neighbors and family members in the lawn just outside of my house. I always hated my house being so far from the main city, but today my feelings on that matter were different. I looked around the neighborhood, everything was intact except for some minor cracks. Everyone started to share their stories and theories. Dad narrated how he was on the lawn near home when the trembling started. He said that a women working nearby was so scared that she ran over and hold her so tight that they both fell on the mud. But he was concerned about Binay who was on the third floor of the house. Dad said that he shouted calling Binay to come out and was relieved when he saw him in the lawn. Binay said that he was at the kitchen making sarbat and everything started to fall down from the racks. He said that the house was shaking and swinging like a swing and he unconsciously ran downstairs. Aama was at Pashupati that day for a puja. We finally got connected to her and were relieved to know that she was all right.  All the people shared their part of experiences to each other. The aftershock was still on. At each shake the people would hold the ground and cry god’s name. Ten or fifteen small earthquakes were already felt after the largest one. After the primary quiver was over, people starting searching for facts. Radio was the reliable medium. The internet or television told be the most effective means of communication were of no use. Radio described the earthquake to be of 7.8 Rector Scale at exactly 11:56 am, 12^th Baisakh 2072, Saturday, epicenter at Barpark, Gorkha. The earthquake was largest since 1990’s earthquake. Then came the detail of disaster that quivered the heart of Nepali people with gloom and grief. The earthquake had destroyed the capital and other seven districts nearby. Thousands of people were estimated to have died and property worth of millions was destroyed. Then came the news, the Dharahara had fallen killing sixty people with it, Darbar squares were destroyed and it was taken as the biggest disaster the country had seen in this century. The earthquake had returned after 82 years with equal force but larger was the destruction.

No one dared to stay at home and large tents were prepared at the lawns for the night. Our whole neighborhood was there, inside that tent, sharing with each other. The aftershock continued, and is continuing still today. We stayed four days in the tent and returned home despite of minor earthquakes. Statistics show that the city was hit by the earthquake for more than thousand times since Saturday. Data show that more than eight thousands people are found dead and more than sixteen thousands people are wounded till today. More than a hundred thousands of people are living in tents still today. Apart from the news of disaster lots of other news came forward slowly after the phone and internet connectivity. People all over the world sympathized for what we went through, donations and relief materials came from all over the world. But how unfortunate we are, the ever known problem of poor leadership in our country hit us and the relief couldn’t reach the people in time. Controversies relating to Indian Army and Indian Media, personnel of German embassy trying to flee the criminal of German nationality and lots of other nations who sent delegates only for the sake of their citizens were disappointing. Apart of these events participation of people from all over the world in the relief distribution and serving the earthquake victims was appreciable. The participation of armies and youth in these matters were remarkable. It felt bad that more than a hundred thousand people left the valley when their help could be life savior and some half-wit people posting rumors and selfies all over the internet was equally disgusting. Social media played a vital role in this crucial situations. Facebook launched an app for marking you and your family safe was a very noble and mentionable idea indeed. In these 18 days we felt horror of death, saw disasters and destructions, witnessed miracles and its still not over yet. Now the most crucial task awaits, the task of reconstruction. Reconstruction of not only houses and cities but of lives that the cruel disaster destroyed. I hope the disaster doesn’t turn out to be a political weapon only and Nepali people shall get the life and stability back.

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Teaching a Lesson

Few days back a BBC documentary “India’s Daughter” was launched depicting the facts and background of a cruel rape incident that took place in Delhi on December 2012. If you haven’t watched the documentary I suggest you all to watch it. There were few things, very notable, some truth and some insane beliefs, that made the documentary a controversy and was banned in India for so called security reasons. Despite of ban, the facts and figures of the documentary popped all over the social media. Different people had their own sayings and reasoning. Each with their own perspective about the crime. But before we go into the facts of the documentary, let me give you a brief glimpse of how intense the incident was. I was in Delhi when that incident took place. The headlines of the newspaper the other day were full of details of the incident. A girl was raped in a moving bus and was thrown out in the road. The matter would not have probably gone that huge but the brutality this time was unbearable. The victim was gang raped and her uterus was pulled out using a rod.  Some called it insanity and some called it vicious cruelty. Enough was enough, it was the ignition in the people’s frustration. And it rose a wave of revolution against women violence which was otherwise a common thing the people in Delhi lived with. The whole of Delhi marched with rage and the scene got worse when the protest went out of control. The protest went on for weeks and months in different forms. And finally the culprits were behind the bars. Slowly the facts came forth one by one. And this documentary released after about 3 years of the incident brought back that night of December that people had almost forgot.

Now let me move towards the point with small summary of the documentary. It starts with the girl’s background, her middle class family and she being the only child. Her parents wanted to get her married but she wanted to study medicine, so she requested her parents to invest the money saved for her marriage, for her education. She had completed her studies, finally she was a Doctor. Her parents were happy for her and everyone thought there is no looking back from now. In a society like that of north India she was ready to set an example being a provider for the family. Then everything collapsed, all dreams shattered, hope crushed due to someone’s evil deeds. In the documentary we can see the interview of one of the culprit. Mukesh, who claims to be driving the vehicle at the time of the incident and denies any involvement in the rape, says that the incident is not that intense or cruel like the way it is presented. He bargains that it was like any other rape that take place in Delhi in every two hours. He even points out that it was the fault of the victim for the rape to happen. As per him, the girl being alone with a boy at that hour of night was immoral. His friends wanted to teach her a lesson. They wanted to set an example so that no other girl in the nation shall commit such immorality. He even says that the victim should not have tried to fight back and should have enjoyed the rape. She would be alive. He even warns that punishing them would set a negative impact and as the rape wouldn’t stop to happen all the victims will now be killed. The documentary then explains the background of the culprits. All five of them are from slums in Delhi, very low standards of living. One of the culprits is even juvenile. The documentary shows the family background and also the interview with their relatives. As the court has given the verdict of hang till death to all the culprits except for the juvenile their relatives plead for forgiveness for their kin. And there is the other part of the documentary that outrages every human being that has a heart to respect a women. The interview with the defense lawyers. They sound more stupid than the culprit. The documentary ends with the protestors demanding the verdict of death for the juvenile as well. When you watch the documentary you will see for yourself the facts and will be able to realize how this incident is able to change your perspective towards different things.

But this is just one incident in Delhi. These type of incidents happen a lot in our societies, a lot are covered and hidden and the victims are traumatized and coerced. Some of these brutal acts come forth now and then, they are criticized as inhuman act, protested for few days and if no sooner settlements, the culprits get punished as well and after that its forgotten till a next incident takes place. And the similar incident shall again take place as the root cause, the evil in people’s mind, prejudices and loath is not destroyed. This time the evil shall show a higher level of brutality filled with fear and hate and this goes on failing the values and norms of the society ending in an anarchy. A very wise man once said, “If you believe that punishing an evil man does make a difference, then just think what difference will it make punishing the idea of evil”. Now we all agree to the fact that not a single person can be held responsible for such abhorrent acts. A sane mind never takes the decision of destroying someone’s life. There is a background story for all brutality. A gloomy shadowy side of the offender. Now after the culprit, the society, the governing bodies of the nations are held responsible. If gone further we point out the faults in our culture and scripture. But we don’t see it in ourselves. We forget the fact that we also are the part of the society and culture we are blaming. We are blaming ourselves but not improving. When I talk these points in my circle the most time I get a question in response, how? How to improve? We all want a crime free society, we don’t commit crime as well. A man gets drunk and murders another man, how can we stop that? People are different, each has a different intention, and we cannot get into other people’s brain! Although wanting a livable society, a safe life we become the prey of someone’s evil needs. How can we be responsible for that? The answer is even I don’t know. I don’t know how to make a perfect livable society without fear of other’s intrusion in our life. I can only suggest to be spontaneous. People preach, don’t do evil but react when you see evil being done. Don’t let other people intrude into your life. React! Don’t stay silent, don’t ignore! Maybe that’s the most we can do from our side.

Now allow me to quote some examples from my surrounding, to illustrate the birth of evil. Let’s take the latest sensational acid attack in Kathmandu. This is a perfect example of how influenced and biased we are. This incident proves that evil lies among us. The incident was, a boy attacked a girl with acid hurting her and her other two friends badly. They were hospitalized and the city marched on the roads asking for justice. The topic revolved all around the social media. The story of the girls went viral, everyone sympathized for what they went through. Everyone gave their thoughts about the brutality and insanity of the incident. There was just one voice from the public, a demand to set an example by punishing the culprit harshly. Finally the boy was caught and his part of the story unfolded. A poor boy, rejected for being a so called lower caste. Bullied and traumatized both physically and mentally, he faced so much pain and anxiety that he could live it no more. It was only the revenge he could seek. So the attack was the result of that seek for revenge. When this story unfolded the whole society now got divided into two halves. The people shouting till now demanding an exemplary harsh punishment started to praise the culprit for his mighty work. Slowly the case drifted from its main agenda. I can clearly see, it’s no more about the brutal attack. It’s now about the differences of caste, about the rich and poor and about a crime and revenge. The boy finally acted. Exhausted and frustrated he thought of teaching them a lesson of lifetime that how it feels to be intruded and attacked. This offender is only a representation of stories of frustration in the people of the city. People are discriminated for caste, color, race, for something they are not responsible for. They are intruded and hated. Frustration multiplies with hate and the evil is born which degrades the weak walls of the society. As I see at the streets, those little kids in the streets, begging for some money. Some people are kind enough to provide them and some gives them their part of hate and frustrations. I see a little boy, messy with dirt and dirty torn clothes looking at other boy, in a clean school uniform, eating delicious food with people loving him. The boy doesn’t understand why he hasn’t that privilege. He doesn’t know why there is a difference between him and the clean boy. He asked himself why isn’t is he loved? What’s his fault for the life he got? And there is another boy, in his teenage. He is a bus conductor. He earns to provide for himself and his parents. How hard he tries it’s never enough to even survive and he has slept a lots of nights with hungry stomach. Few boys of his age climb into the bus with fancy dresses and expensive gadgets. They talk about schools and cinemas. The boy looks at them and fancies himself in their dress, living their life. He can’t understand why he is poor and they are rich. No one can explain him the reasons. Then what comes next can be easily anticipated. The poor bus conductor or the beggar boy live a poor frustrating life. Without proper education and nutrition they are never able to fit for a decent post. They will not be able to provide for their family and their children will go through the same phase they went through. On the other hand, the properly educated and nourished kid will get all the success he wants and grows richer. In this way the disparity, the wall of differences grow only thicker. And when the frustrations crosses the limit bearable it strikes back. This is how evil is born. This is the reason for Darburmarg acid kanda or Mudrika gang rape Kanda. It’s all about revenge, teaching a lesson.

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Plays around me

“Drama shows is for the ugly people. Beautiful people act in movies,” this is what she said before I declared the end of our relationship. For me acting in a live act is the most classic and fascinating, though I never got the chance. Yes, I did get some in the school but it was just as a side actor without dialogues and at orientation program which was just meant to be a presentation about the environmental hazards due to bad practices in business, so it doesn’t count. Besides those I never stepped forward even when I got any opportunities. I had some kind of stage phobia and it started a long time ago when I was a little kid. I was very timid since my childhood. I had few friends and they were timid too. So we watched other people’s acting and laughed at them. But at the end of the day, after all the fun was over, I used to think over and fantasize myself performing on the stage in front of all people and everyone cheering and clapping for me. But I pressed it inside and my phobia grew only stronger and today when I was ready for joining an acting session something inside of me said that, how much you try dude, you are not meant for this. And I quit.

Actually this feeling of acting in a stage, suppressed long before regenerated when I was in college after my friends performed at “Gurukul”. It also was my first experience of a live act in a theater. They did great. Lots of other people pointed out lots of clichés but I saw nothing other than awesomeness. Actually after I joined college, I worked real hard on my stage phobia thing and I was doing better. I gave speeches, participated in various stage programs and also anchored in various occasions. And after I saw the play that my friends acted on, my everlasting desire of acting myself rejuvenated. So, I decided to try once for myself. I picked one of the play that I wrote myself few years back and I set the camera and acted a one man play and recorded for myself to judge it. It was horrible. So I gave up acting without giving it a proper chance, because of which the feeling of giving it a try rises now and then, and I decided to watch it and enjoy that I do still today. Those days when every other boy of my age preferred movies over drama shows, I was so much into these live acts though they were so short, easily predictable, expensive and full of clichés.

I haven’t got a lot of chances of watching the drama shows as much as I made chances for movies, but each time I went for it, I made a very interesting memory that last forever and longs for more. As I mentioned already, the first show I watched was at Gurukul Theater and the act was performed by my classmates and friends. It carried a very beautiful message and they presented very well. It was my first experience and as Nabin says, everything is best when you try for the first time, I loved it. After that I watched “Purgatory”, a classic and a very difficult play which the actors presented beautifully. Then came the famous nepali play “Basai” and after that I watched two other plays that I don’t remember the names. But I remember that one was about the rebirth and next about the political instability. The actors, professionals did so good that I went backstage for congratulating them for such wonderful performance. The most appealing thing was, these actors of theatre were so simple and humble. Then after college I moved to Delhi and that was the end of my longings for live act. I watched a lot of movies while in Delhi. And that suppressed my desire for the drama show, and that was what I thought, until that day at Delhi University I found out that I still long for the live show. That was one of the days when I was lonely and had nothing to do. When I had such days I used to go unravelling the city. I used to go to the places in the city that I hadn’t visited earlier. That day too was one of those days and I hopped into the Delhi Metro and looked at the track map for the destination and there was no better place to be that day than at Delhi University. As I reached the university perimeter, first best thing in about a year in that city happened. There was this street play going on performed by the students of the university. A lot of people had gathered and they were distributing pamphlets which indicated that the play was about raising awareness about violence against women. The theme was simple and the actors presented the objective beautifully and the act was praiseworthy. I even talked with one of the actor and praised her performance and asked few questions about their team which she answered very patiently and that was then when I decided I would join Delhi University, the ocean of opportunities, though that wasn’t possible later due to lot of reasons but my passion for the live shows reached a new height.

After Delhi as I came to Kathmandu again, I had a determination that I will give a try to this acting thing once for a while. But none of my friends were interested even to watch the shows. So again the desire was suppressed, until one day, when suddenly I came across Mandala Theatre at Anamnagar. Interesting things were happening in my life those days. As I look behind, I feel guilt for what I did and as some of my friends say that what I did was correct, maybe that had to be done. Co-incidentally that dramatic event of my life happened at the theater. The event was that, for the first time in my life I was in a pseudo relationship. By pseudo relationship I mean an online relationship. I had met this real nice girl on the internet, lied her I was single, showed her affections and tenderness and in no time we were in a relationship, without even seeing each other. It was crazy from the very beginning and wasn’t serious at all, that I thought, unfortunately the other side thought a little alter. I wanted to keep the relationship only on the internet but she pressed on for meeting each other. I was making excuses and postponing the doomsday until one day it arrived. That day was the Mandala day. I decided to meet her at the theatre and asked her to be there. To be honest, that day was going to be the end of that crazy online relationship and I had no idea what form it was going to take, so I begged Nabin  to joined me. I even begged him to be Bezay for that date, which he declined mercilessly. Well, I had sinned and I had to be punished. The show that day was a dialogue less act of a love story of a frog. It was very good play, very well performed and Nabin loved it a lot, especially the character that portrayed female frog. He was shocked that was a male person who was acting as the female frog the whole time. He confessed that, he had already a crush on that female frog and his heart shattered when he discovered the actor to be a man. Now, about the girl. I won’t disclose how she looked like or what she wore, but I must mention that she didn’t speak a word all time. I would have considered her dumb if I hadn’t spoken with her earlier. After the show we all went our ways. Nabin was still thrilled that how can a man act so beautifully in a female character and I was in my own quandary to sort the things I had complicated in times. As I sat on the corner seat of the last row of the bus, looking outside, the cold street, lighted with the street lights and agonizing the sin being committed by me, I received the texts expressing gratitude for making her feel so happy and she felt fortunate for being with me. Then I got other texts for my safe travel home and a demand for reply. I did the most terrible thing of my life that evening and the fake bond was broken for good. I later apologized explaining everything what I went through and “I don’t care anymore”, was what I got in return.

Besides triggering a migraine by harsh mental exercise, something else was also triggered that day. Nabin loved the show and longed to watch more. And that lead to today, when we watched “Kapat” at Sarbanam Theater. It was simple, predictable and with lots of clichés but I enjoyed a lot. The thrill and excitement that these live shows and act generates inside me, no other media can and I will always be longing to be part of it. Maybe I will act someday.

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Neutral country

 “Sameer… Sharma…, 30 years old…, Nepali citizen… departure from King Fahd International Airport, Can you tell me the reason of your visit to Paris sir?” the lady official in the terminal asked me after she checked my passport and boarding pass. My chain of thoughts suddenly split. I couldn’t grasp what she asked me, and looked at her anxiously. After all that I went through, it was certain for me to lose my mental balance for a while. I was lost in thoughts. All those mishaps in my life that too in a week time had made me lethargic and my mind wasn’t working properly. And over that I was going through a qualm that, maybe all this effort would go in vain.

“Pardon me”, I said, “for I didn’t understand what you actually asked me. I am going through so much trouble in recent days that I am not able to concentrate my mind promptly.” I regretted as soon as I asserted the fact.

She looked irritated first but now she smiled and asked again the same question. “Your purpose of visit?”

“I am here to see my wife,” I replied.

“Is she the citizen of France? Do you have the address?” she asked me more questions.

“No, she is not.” I said this and then produced a brochure of a hotel. Hotel Mathi’s Elysees was written on the top of the brochure and there was the picture of hotel in it. She looked at the brochure and asked me if I had a reservation. I didn’t have a reservation and I said the same.

“Where do your wife stay in France?” She asked again.

“She doesn’t stay here. She being brought from Tel Aviv,” was my reply. She could clearly judge me in a rush and really frightened. Unfortunately that made her suspicious against me.

She looked irritated hearing me say so. She stared me for a while, looked down to my passport and then picked up the phone and called spoke something in French that I couldn’t understand at all. She asked me to step aside for a while and then called next. The man behind me approached the desk with his passport and she began the similar questions with him.

Anxiety covered my body. “oh, god not again”’ I prayed. I didn’t know what was coming next but it was sure for me to go into yet another interrogation. In these few days a lot had happened to me. My anxiety increased, heart beat was rapid and the whole week came before my eyes in flashback as I waited. The brutal phone call informing me that Siksha was unconscious and taken to the hospital. Then came the blow of her being diagnosed with the spinal injury. I was so sad and worried for that I couldn’t be with her in her pain. Tears rolled down my cheek as I realized how pain she must have felt being alone in such difficult situation in a foreign nation. I felt a shrill of gloom and cursed myself for putting her in that situation. I shouldn’t have let her come at the first place. I was earning good but my greed of being wealthy instantly and my ego against my in-laws had lead my love of my life in the situation of life and death. I suddenly realized, she must have already arrived and must be waiting for me. I grew impatient. I just wanted any procedure I was being put into to be over soon and I could do whatever or sign anywhere to meet Siksha as soon as possible.

I tried to maintain my calm and smiled at a man that approached the desk. He nodded to the lady, who signaled towards me and asked me to follow him. He didn’t speak at all while he escorted me through the passage and into a small cabin with a chair and desk. He gave me a small form and asked me to fill it. He then went outside and shut the door. I was detained, I realized. My mind went blank and I froze with fear. I felt like my body parts are paralyzed and I started to tremble. I was losing my hold. I looked at the sheet. I had to fill my personal details, nationality, purpose of visit, etc. I picked the pen to fill the form when suddenly the door opened and a man in a black coat appeared along with the man who escorted me here. He observed me carefully and then took my passport out of his pocket and started to flip the pages.

“My name is Denis Baton, I am the senior security in charge of this airport. You don’t need to fear of anything until you answer all my question honestly.” He said in a harsh voice.

I tried to console myself and behaved as calm as I could.

“What do you do in Saudi Arab?” He asked.

“I work in the Al Yamama construction company.” I told him the truth. I spoke with utmost courage because I knew only that could get me out of there.

“How much do you earn monthly?”

“Around 2500 Riyal,” I replied, surprised at his question.

“Why are you in Paris?”

“To meet my wife. She is very sick. Her medical report says that she is suffering from spinal injury.” I couldn’t control but cry. I couldn’t hold longer. I tried a lot but neither the tears stopped nor I could manage to stop sobbing. He stared at me, said nothing. He signaled the other man something and the man rushed outside. He came back with some tissue paper. Denis forwarded the tissue towards me and asked to maintain my composure. He assured me that I will be soon let to go if I was telling the truth.

“Where is she staying in Paris? We’ll confirm about the condition of your wife from the hospital and you will be freed.” He said.

“She doesn’t stay in France. She is being brought from Tel Aviv. Please let me go, I’ve this weird feeling that if I cannot get to meet her now I will not be able to meet her again.” This feeling again masked my mind with guilt and glooms and tears again flowed from my eyes and I started to sob.

Denis was irritated and could take no more. He ordered me to stop crying. “Stop this drama,” he shouted. “You cry baby. I see frauds like you every day. You think that I will believe everything you say if you cry? Don’t ever think that those fake tears can convert your lies into truth. What are your intentions? Why are you in France? Are you Muslim?” He asked fiercely.

“I am Hindu.” I felt dominated completely. I just wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I was getting impatience. “I am telling nothing but the truth. Please consider me for the sake of god. I will never be able to forgive myself my whole life if I will not get to see her the last time.” I was broke, nothing was left. I was fainting. By the tone of Margaret’s voice I had known that Siksha’s condition was too critical. And this feeling of not getting to meet her, or console her that everything’s going to be all right and share her pain and give some moments of love was killing me. I wasn’t focused on the interrogation and Denis was irritated by that. Another man came in shortly and informed Denis about something in French. Denis then turned towards me and calmly asked, “You’re lucky that they didn’t find anything in your luggage. But listening to you, it doesn’t make sense. You could have visited her directly at her place, why did you come here?”

“I didn’t want to come here. But I had no options. Having a Saudi Arabia stamp in my passport I couldn’t get a travel visa to Israel unless I was a Muslim and even by some way I would get it stamped in my passport then I won’t get re-entry in Saudi Arabia all my life.” I tried to convince my knowledge to him. He looked surprised.

“And how did you get French Visa?”

“My boss helped me for it after I told him my story. Nice man he is, he guaranteed me pledging himself for the visa else I wouldn’t be here as well. I went through a lot of trauma for this visit. I beg you to let me go. Let me see her once and be assured that she is alright, then I will answer all your questions with all due respect.” I was finding hope seeing him believing what I was saying.

“Well, I don’t have a whole day to waste and didn’t find anything suspicious on you. But I warn you, if anything gets reported against you while your stay here, you will be severely punished according to French law.” He turned towards the other man who after his instructions took all my details and handed over my passport to me. “You chose France as the neutral country for your visit, and I apologize for all the trouble. We allow all in and we get in serious trouble time to time. Anyway, I wish all good for you. You are free to go.” He said turning back at me as he reached the door. Then he left.  I couldn’t believe the reality as I walked out of the airport. I had lost the hope, but maybe hope hung in.

I checked in at the hotel and seeing Siksha after so long time and so much hurdles, it was nothing comparable. I felt alive at that moment. She was in a wheelchair, I hugged her and kissed her and I wouldn’t let her go all my life. As I hold her, I realized the main purpose of life, I needed her to be happy, not Riyals or Dollars! I promised her that we will go back home after her treatment and always stay with each other. And I am keeping my promise till today.

It cost me a fortune for the treatment, maybe all we both saved during our stay there was spent there. But there is no regret. Now together we are doing very well. I mayn’t have a lot of money to spend but I have a lot of love to spare.

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