Dream Catcher

This is my story. Nothing so special, thrilling or sensational. But it certainly is worth sharing. This is the reality of lots of other young people all over the world. Wherever a person may live, whatever the person eats or speaks, people are similar in lots of ways in terms of emotions, empathy and remorse. So, my story represents lots of other emotionally baked people.

Life was majestic, happy-to-go lucky. I was jaunty and adamant without being pretentious. I guessed lots of others dreamed of being me. I had all lock stock and barrel; gorgeous I was, good in studies, benevolent family, I was kind of “the father’s daughter”, and above all I never lost smile in my face, maybe no reason to lose. I had super-eminent friends and they were with me ubiquitously. All galas were attended together and people even commented us that when we were together we were like a radio talk show, no matter if the audience is grasping what we were saying, we were always chattering. But it wasn't just limited to our being together, thanks to Facebook and mobile phones no hearsay was missed. If you wonder what was that we talked about so lot I would say, you will think it mostly as nonsense, but for us it used to be the most important matters to know. The talks were mostly about clothes, other girls, little scams and secrets, controversies of movie stars to classmates, like we talk about almost everything that came in our head. We talked about boys, very cautious of being a new scam, talked about our crushes, about boys we met, blind dates though very rare, our perception about them, their hair style to their talking style, caring, yes almost everything. Apart from gossips I had my friends for shopping, market visits and in every celebrations. I was really happy with my friends, being with them was marvelous but I had an avidity inside me of having someone more closer, a person out of the ordinary who shall treat me special, like the only girl in the world. I would secretly wish for it when I used to watch movies, or see couples in malls, restaurants and I longed more when I saw my mom and dad so much into each other, when they understood each other emotionally and expressively. I had few relationships in the past but they were all kind of farces and parodies and surely didn't last.  I wanted someone for me and this feeling was eating me up. I unconsciously started to look around, guys from my school, friend’s friends and even checked out some profiles in Facebook, some quite stood out in my measure of expectation. I just checked those guys out, I had no guts to approach, being a girl, a beautiful girl, there was this thing called girl’s attitude that prevented me from such attempts and allowed only to leave hints.

I was in quandary the whole time and suppressed the feeling until the day a boy from school, Ankit proposed me up. He looked pretty good, and had passed my expectation measure, so there was nothing to think of. But there was again this decree of girl’s attitude and I was supposed to ask for some time to think about it and I did the same. Though I had a dismay about him changing his mind. Maybe in greed of love, I had lowered my self-esteem real low. I talked with my friends about that event. I was excited to see their reaction but only made me disappointed. They all knew him and started foul invective towards him. He was the most negative personality for them, they reveled gossips about his getting dumped by his ex for being a jerk and also claimed that he was interested in me only to show his ex that we can get better. They clearly asserted that he was just trying to use me up. If it was about anyone else I would readily have believed them but in this case I was already so much into his influence that everything they said about him was only blah blah blah in my ears. I even started hating them for disliking him. I started to think about him even more and started to be with him. I joined him everywhere he wanted me to be. Firstly I restrained but later it was not so big fuss. We were seen together in all places and he alone replaced all my other companions. He listened to all my jabbers and girly talks, and always supported me even if I was against the universal truth. He promised to be with me in all delights or despairs. He was my true friend and best friend and my love of life in no time. I wanted him to propose me again but he didn't. I started to post love quotes and desires in the Facebook wall. He liked and commented in all but I still didn't get what I wanted. Maybe I was throwing hints but even I didn't know what I was doing really, it just felt so good. Then came the Valentine’s Day. There used to be a special party in the lakeside club, I always wanted to go there, but it was late night party and being single and going there with girlfriends would be embarrassing, so I had just ignored it all long, but this time I was asked by the special person of my life and there was nothing to stop me this time. I was sure it was going to be the best day of my life, and yes, it was. He proposed me in front of everyone in the proposal session, yes lots of other boys did propose their companions as well but it was the best thing ever happened to me and there was no reason for denial. I was formally his girlfriend.

The party ended late night and he walked me home, holding my hands and kissed me goodbye. Everything was as I wanted. He was like an angel for me. I was so happy until I found my dad waiting me inside. I froze with fear. He inquired about my whereabouts and my recent strange behaviors and also my low grades that I had not realized till now. I had no answers but wasn't guilty as well, I was with someone I wanted to be, so I lied and got my excuses. My dad wasn't satisfied, I saw it in his face. How stupid I was, giving pain to my beloved to live a fantasy. But I was ready to sacrifice anything for this fantasy. My friends still urged me to stay away from him. My parents suggested me to concentrate on my studies then in baloney. But I stared loathing them more and convinced myself that they were just jealous. Phone calls, texting, chatting and regular meeting bonded us even more. I opened even more with him. I told him what my friends thought about me. I also wanted him to tell about past relationships but he just dodged saying that he had no any past relationships and I was the first and shall be the only one. I was assured he loved me truly and all my friends were just liars. Slowly from private texts and conversations our relationship started to evolve on Facebook walls and got public. There was a thrill and satisfaction of claiming him mine in public. We were the cutest couple in the town, everyone commented so. But I was also scared that my parents may take some actions against our relationship if they know about it, so I tried to convince him to stop the exhibition of our relationship but he was like showing everyone that he got the cutest girl in the town, he said the same to me, why to hide if there’s love. It further increased my confidence towards him, still I was scared. And it happened what I was scared of. Dad asked me about Ankit. The talk raised after I denied a proposed family trip giving a stupid study reason and Ankit posted a picture of us in my room the same day. Dad, mom and brother returned half way home. I again got excused with a lie. Dad looked really stressed, maybe I made some harsh comments, but I was so much into Ankit and I was drifting away from all others. He tried convincing me, even scolded and threatened to lock me inside if I didn’t stop this drama. I apologized with my dad, I promised I would stop all and focus on my studies; I was lying again and certainly everything continued and even more. My grades declined more steeply and my dad stopped talking with me. I saw everyone in the family was stressed but I didn’t see why, as I was doing the right thing. My once happy and loving family was now turning gloomy, I felt sad about that, but I couldn’t sacrifice the love of my life. I even started to think about leaving my dad’s house. Things worsen even more, I ignored my parent’s dissatisfaction and all my friends showed cold shoulders towards me. But for me none of these matters, I had him by my side.

And after six months of us being together despites of all sorts of restraints that I thought only made our love stronger, something happened that shook me and the inner foundation of my love, like an earthquake shakes the earth, a really strong one. I spotted him with his so called ex. I couldn’t go to them directly, that would create a scene that I didn’t want so I decided to ask him about that in the evening conversation. I wasn’t mad because I saw him with a girl, I was mad because he had lied me that he was going for a trek to Gandruk with his friends. I texted him in the evening for answers but he alleged that I was mistaken him with someone else because he was on the trek. I knew I had seen him, but I had no choice to believe and forgive him. But it was just the beginning. He started pretending to be busy and was unable to find time for me. He started to ignore my phone calls and texts. Our college was over so I couldn’t meet him as he said he was busy with his entrance preparations and language classes. One day I planned for a surprise visit to his home but only got jolted to know that he had lied me that he told his parents about us. He wasn’t home either and his parents were worried too. They told me about the girl who visits him a lot, they didn’t like her either. I clearly knew they were talking about his ex who probably was reinstated as present.

I felt miserable and lonely. There was gloominess and melancholy all around me. I was feeling this after so long. I realized my fantasy was over and I had no idea how I would face my parents and friends. I dumped them all for him and now it was my turn to get dumped. This feeling made me scared and I got more desperate. I didn’t believe the truth, I still hoped what I discovered to be false. I tried calling him and texting him and finally got a reply. “How I dared going his home?” I could feel the rage. It burnt me like hell. Finally he said, he can’t be with me anymore. I being so irritating, crossing my limits and breaching his space wasn’t the one he wanted, and he felt suffocation even when he thought about me. The roof fell over my head. I got broken into pieces. It was a disbelief how some phrases can hurt so much. I was enraged. I wanted to hurt him with the pain I was feeling. I wanted to cut him in pieces, shoot him with hundreds of bullets, I just wanted to get rid of that jerk. But I was wounded. Tears fell off my cheeks. I cried and cried. I saw nothing ahead. It was all over, it was all over now. And forever. It was all dark, maybe I fainted. Everything was null and dark and in the darkness I saw a light. There was a glowing photo frame with a picture of me about 5 years old playing in my dad’s lap. I felt sad for him and every other person I loved for what I did. I felt guilty for my deed. On a race of being a dream catcher I had lost the hold on reality and now I was empty handed as I woke up.