BUDO - Motherland Diary

His first entrance was spectacular. I remember that day every time we talk about him. Maybe that first impression of him got imprinted in my mind and affected the perspective towards him. After all these years when everyone in my circle thinks him as a phony or Mr. Show off, some part of my mind disagrees.

It was the time when teachers were quitting Motherland. Maybe it was related to some monetary disagreements. And in two weeks we had seen people of various complexions, shapes, sizes and brain who pro-claimed to be our science teacher from now on. Everyday a different person came in and taught us something never heard of in science, surprise us, get confused himself and is never seen again. I guess most them were college students and they taught us what they were learning in college, they had no idea about our syllabus. I still remember being taught the whole extraction process of copper metal in grade 7. This problem was maybe a panic for the administration but we had find a way to make fun out of it. We used to name them as per their looks. First week we implicated them as a retired rickshaw driver (guy with a sweaty yellow shirt), pan wale (guy with pan stains on his clothes), bhaiya (dark complexioned), fatty (fat guy), lure (thin guy) and so on was our list. We used to see the pattern and guess what type of person shall come next day, we even bet on the shapes and sizes. It was a Sunday morning and we were expecting to see a new unique item to come in for the teachers’ trial. We had guessed someone lanky with a sparrow voice shall come in, and to our surprise, he comes in. Tall, broad shoulder, heavily built, pimpled and wrinkled face with moustage, carrying his bag in his left hand, accompanied by the principal. The principal used to accompany the teacher, show him the class and introduce among the students. It was a daily routine. When he came in, we all got up and shouted in one voice, ‘Good morning Sir’ as it was the culture to wish the teacher when he comes in. Hari sir, the principal of the school, looked stunned and I saw him smile for the first time and introduced the guy as our new friend and a new student of our class. That guy blushed and I don’t remember him talking with anyone that whole day. It was a surprise for us all too. And we had got a new topic to gossips. I remember we kids used to gossip and talk behind the back, it was a different fun and we had our secrets and trust so it didn’t mattered a lot. All day everyone was peeking and laughing at him. We all thought he was clearly unfit for 7^th grade and he will be transferred to another higher grade. We also started to sought for the reasoning of sending this old looking guy to our class. Someone placed the idea that maybe he failed and repeated the same class for two or three years. We got him a name, “Budo” and concluded the day declaring him a dumb kid.

Genius he was, in all fields. Academics, we got a new school topper, sports, our class then never lost a football or volleyball match, even with the 10^th graders, ECAs he was the most confident one. Soon he was the most popular guy in the school, the icon and the favorite of all teachers. But he never was a ladies man. I never saw him dating or talking much with girls but he used to talk about girls for sure. With rise of Budo, fictional groups started to fragment our class. These groups were formed because of self-ego and jealousy. Maybe we were growing and all these things were natural. Talking about the groups, there was this Budo’s group, few in number trying to show their superiority on Budo’s popularity and get profited, like we call “chamcha” type in Nepali. There was another group, the back benchers, more in number and everyone was the hero and each one was the leader. They fought with themselves and also for themselves. They didn’t care for anyone or anything, not even the warnings of the principal. They soon had a clash with the Budo’s group, turn out to be rebels and thus started a cold war. There was the third group, our group, the neutral group. We didn’t like the Budo, so we weren’t in Budo’s group, many of us liked the back benchers as they were old friends but sincerely speaking we were scared to join their group as they were involved in tussles, fights and addictions. We didn’t want warnings from the principal, we wanted good grades and self-discipline. But we needed them as well, after all we all were friends. So it was a kind of situation where we neutrals weren’t in any sides and were in every sides. Cold war was another topic making news those days. And a new power came to rise. Nimesh. I didn’t want to write anyone’s name in this blog post, but Nimesh is a person who can only be identified by his name, there is no any individual trait to distinguish him, he was a complete package with all characteristic but purely balanced. Nimesh was a good guy, just as us all, neutral but he surely had a devil inside him. He had a political mind. His neurotic or psychotic formation worked and he was able to make a mark. He got a name Shive when he showed his devil side and soon allied with the backbenchers group. He came out as a real threat to Budo’s group. Nimesh was in our circle so we always supported him. When I look back today maybe I didn’t oppose Nimesh in any of his tantrums and always supported him was because of Firdos. Firdos was a hidden genius. You won’t believe but he didn’t talk with anyone, not even teachers for three earlier years in Motherland. We grew together and were best of friends. The other reason I was with Nimesh was that I didn’t really care what was going on. We had studies, lectures and teachers to face every day.

Next year we had an intra-school chess tournament. I had just learnt to play chess and I was so much excited to participate. I got Budo as the initial stage opponent who defeated me in four moves! I was stunned, surprised to believe. He gave me a next chance as only 30 seconds had over of 10 minutes allocated time. I lost again. I felt humiliated and that fueled my ego. I practiced chess more, read playing strategies, watched matches, played a lot and I was finally prepared. And at 10^th grade we again had an intra-school tournament. This time again I got Budo as my first round opponent and this time I mercilessly defeated him. That was quite a revenge for me. I won the whole tournament that time.

As I called Budo, not a ladies man, we got to hear about his one and only affair at 10^th grade. Rumors and claims in terms in terms of crushes and affairs are common at teenage. We witnessed boys prosecuted and beaten for a love letter, some even got rusticated from the school. The most dreadful fight is that of “economics class”, I don’t want to discuss about this here. It feels strange now but we had crushes from so young age, we were not even teens. I now think that so naïve we were. I don’t want to talk about the couples or crushes but rather I will provide a true fact that used to happen for real. We all used to interact with each other in the classroom or neighborhood, all boys and girls. We used to see things in movies, read in stories, things like love, affairs and risks. And I can tell you nothing attracts more a kid than a feeling of taking risk. We used to fuel up ourselves with attractions, sometimes peer pressure or claims would also work. As the attractions grew, crushes developed and if it ends being one sided then nothing would be more miserable. Worse than that was the guts of the person to confess. Even if the guy confessed it would be more complex and in one way or the other he is surely going to feel miserable. I can revive, affairs were more dangerous, you don’t know what you do wrong in excitement and change your life forever. Experienced, battle-scared, gone through, so I know a little about it! Budo was also in an affair as I heard. They said it ended in a tragic note. How and why I don’t know, I didn’t want to know either. I just remember one thing in this matter that he told me one day, ”When you love someone at teenage, it’s not really a love, an everlasting experience, it’s just an attraction, a short term. You feel like you love the person more than anything else and when that person ignores you that triggers your ego and if you keep on fueling that ego, it shall destroy lives.” I didn’t understand then, I clearly understand now.

When I recollect the memories of school days, Budo is a person, inevitable, Mr. Show-off but also a genius, filthy mouthed but also a true friend and I must confess I got to learn a lot from him. He is a person who taught me that for achieving something just working hard is not enough, you should move your whole life towards achieving that.

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Big Day

I always had an urge to outstand. I planned, set goals and worked on them but I only achieved sporadically. Now when I look back and analyze, I conclude the only thing lacking was mere dedication. The unaccomplished aspirations were just abandoned as the time passed without realizing that they were crucial for moving on in my life. Thus they got exaggerated and fettered my afterward intentions. But I never stopped planning. Never stopped setting goals. There was a bright side, in every try I was achieving something. This story is about that time when I was getting into college. A completely new scenario was in front of me, a completely new life in a new city. And this new thing confronted me in every possible ways. I was a boy debilitated by my past, timid of future. I came from a small city in the east, average as my report card clamored but I had a will. I had a will as bigger as achieving the moon. I knew more than hundred thousand young people who completed school with me that year possessed that will, I didn’t take the worldwide scenario because that would only demotivate me. I was scared of numbers then, I am still scared of numbers though I chose numbers as my ample aspiration of life, though I deal with numbers every day, there’s no one day that numbers don’t frighten me. One evening I sat to plan, how am I going to spend these 2 years? Something had happened that day. My appeal was ignored, I was coercion and neglected. I realized whatever I aspire here in these two years I have to achieve in my own. But there are difficulties in every level. As time passes the past seem to be smaller and easier, same are difficulties.
I remember first few days in college. I must admit college was full-fledged surprise pack for me. First day I when I entered the gate I was an hour and half early. I had worn an M-shirt, that was some error by the tailor, later I was told. The gate guard told me that I was late. The class had already started.  Then I met smart people collected from all over the country. Then came the college warden rules. As time passed I was able to segregate the real smart people and phonies around me, adapt to the environment that was ever changing and I was able to befriend some of the smart young people around. I must be thankful to these people as whatever I achieved in my life till today or I shall achieve in future their influence is inevitable. I am happy to have these people in my life still today because I know these are the friends of life. I slowly found the edge, outsmarted the cons and the best of all was finding the fact that it wasn’t that hard to get over the average. I was in form, I dedicated my full efforts, I set perfect goals and I looked straight to achieve those. Despite of distractions I hit the bull’s eye. I almost achieved all that I wished for those days. Still I wasn’t much accredited for. That was the time I had a determination, someday I shall come back to this very place only the situation shall be reversed. That day I didn’t realize this would come true this sooner.
When the chairman asked for my time for a meeting in the college that day I was overwhelmed. The past was already so much behind me, I didn’t know why that was so important for me. I felt like I achieved something that I didn’t expect to be this sooner. I came home that night and turned the pages of my journals of those days in my college. I was smiling as I read those lines uttering about this determination I made some time ago. Those days I was leading others, taking them to some place decent to be. But I wasn’t believed instead I was punished and ridiculed, some of the phonies even threatened me. This time this is me on my own and I believe in my path. That day I realized how something you desperately wanted some years back turns out to be not so much of significance as the time passes by and scenario changes. But I was happy for that boy whose determination was finally achieved exactly how he wanted.
Yesterday morning as I walked towards Xavier Int’l College, I had no fear. The day I was asked for the meeting and presentation I was quite nervous. I hadn’t walked that road in years but I knew exactly how it was and nothing had changed.  The broken bridge and its hole through which we used to slip inside, the metal bridge which was earlier a bamboo bridge when I first joined, it was real thrill and fun to cross that. As I reached the metal bridge my head looked above and I could see the inscription “XAVIER” in large letter on the top of the white building. I took a long breath and walked towards the front road which was still a pond as it is a rainy season.  It was a big day for me. I was going to have my first ever professional talk that too with the chairman of the college I was in some years back. As I got into the building I realized nothing was same except for the building and the uniforms. I recalled wearing that shirt, wandering in the corridor and shouting in the court. I looked towards the court, there was a tournament going on, U-19 intercollege basketball tournament, Xavier girls were playing against Morgan girls. The Morgan girls’ team scored twice as I watched the match. I was feeling nostalgic as I stood there and observed around. My excitement was fading away. I finally got the call and I went inside the chairman’s office.  We had about an hour long meeting and we had discussions on various topics. Maybe he was influenced by me, he even offered a job. The meeting was not of huge significance professionally but it was of great significance for me.
As I was climbing down the stairs I was moving slowly, cherishing every moment I had there. My steps of past years came as flashback. I complained, I was angry, I was blessed, I was happy, I had lots of emotions associated. I finally concluded, Xavier didn’t give us all what we deserved but it certainly gave us a lot.

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